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Last episode, we launched a Mindful Communication Series, and I shared some tips for bringing mindfulness to your speech. I had some mindfulness tips and a test you can apply to what you’re about to say to make sure it’s helpful and kind. If you missed it, you can catch that episode here. 
Today, we’re going to explore mindful listening. No more tests, but I’ll break down listening into its three component elements and share some practical tips.
The first element in mindful listening, which I also refer to as deep listening, is caring. Deep listening requires effort. If you don’t care about the speaker’s feelings or point of view, you’re not likely to make the effort to listen well. I’d go so far as to claim that mindful listening is an act of caring and compassion. 
Now, it’s true that, even if you do care about the speaker’s message, things might come up to interfere with listening, and I’ll talk about how to manage that in just a minute. But if you care, you’re likely to try to listen well, and if you fail, you’re likely to take steps to correct the problem.
I’ll give you an example. I’m a terrible interrupter. My mind moves very quickly, and I have a tendency to believe that I understand what a speaker is about to say, so I jump in with a quick reply before they’ve even finished. This is incredibly arrogant of me, but it’s a long-standing habit. But, because I do care about understanding the speaker, I try to take steps to keep myself from interrupting. I don’t always succeed, but with practice I’m not only interrupting less, I’m learning to quickly recognize when I’ve failed and take steps to apologize to the speaker and ask them to try again because I really do want to hear them.
Intention setting is something that has helped me and you might find it useful too. Especially when an upcoming conversation is one I dread, or one that is likely to inspire negative reactions in me, I like to start by reminding myself that “I intend to listen carefully,” or “I really want to understand what this person is thinking.” Taking a moment to silently set an intention can remind you to practice.
So, caring is the starting point. Element two is mindfulness.
Have you ever heard someone say what a good listener their dog is? “Fluffy is such a great listener. He just sits there looking up at me with his big brown eyes and I can tell him anything.”
Well, dogs aren’t such great listeners, because their ability to understand is limited. Yes, they do understand a lot. They can sense your feelings, they can read your tone of voice, and they certainly know what “walk” and “treat” mean. But, they can’t understand why your mother-in-law’s off-hand comment about your outfit really upset you.
We think dogs are great listeners, because they pay deep attention to us. They get close, make eye contact, encourage us with a tail wag, and sit with us as long as we want. And that’s the kind of attention we all crave from people, too.
Being mindful of the speaker, paying full attention to them in the moment, does two things for you. First, it signals to the speaker that you care. That caring not only feels gratifying to them, it encourages them to help you understand what they’re trying to say.
Second, attention helps you catch all the information the speaker is providing, not only through what they’re saying, but through all the other signals they’re communicating: Their choice of words, tone of voice, facial expression, energy level, and body language. You can’t understand them if you’re not taking in the signals they’re sending. Attention is a crucial element of listening.
But of course, attention is easily thwarted. All sorts of things can get in between you and ...