Today’s Podcast was prompted by a reader’s question from last week’s post, 5 Ways Girlfriends Fail Each Other. Scroll down to listen in or keep reading.

Following is the script in case you want to read it:

QUESTION:

Hi Edith,

I am having all 5 issues mentioned on your Podcast, “5 ways girlfriends fail each other,†with two of my dear friends, which I love very much, but are not women of faith. I’m seeking God to help me with these issues, but my friends are not. How are they supposed to change if they haven’t heard your Podcast? LOL

What I really want to do is send them both your podcast… Okay, on the real, I know I have to ask God to work in me first, but how are they supposed to change their assuming, gossiping and not being honest with me, if they are not where I’m at?

How can I get feedback on handling tough situations, if I’m not supposed to share what someone did to avoid gossiping? Besides God, who can I share my problems with?

Sincerely,

Distressed Friend

ANSWER:

Distressed Friend,

I can hear your frustration. Know that you are not alone when it comes to this topic. We all struggle with difficult relationships.

First of all, there’s a reason why you are part of their lives – and that’s to bring light into their world. I know it’s hard to love someone who has different opinions and ideas, but that’s part of learning to love.

Love is not contingent upon the way we are treated, but it’s a way of seeing people through...
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You don’t have to agree with them, but you have to be flexible and accept where they are. Your friends may not be where you are and that’s okay because you are at “your level†for a reason. We all have our way of learning and applying that information. Part of being a good friend is to understand that friends will fail and that we need to work through differences.

What I’m hearing is that you want to change them. Sorry to be bearer of bad news, but you CAN’T. Change is God’s thing. Your thing is to be obedient to God and do what he calls you to do. That is to influence them NOT change them.

Influencing others begins by changing our perspective. So, here’s four steps to consider as you begin this process:

1. 
   
2. Start with yourself – What are your patterns of relating? What can you do to improve? Cleanse your heart of all anger, bitterness and un-forgiveness. Being in this framework of love gives will give you a clearer perspective, led by Holy Spirit and not emotions.
   
3. Cultivate the relationship, but don’t take things personal – If we are to influence, we need to develop a relationship of trust. If there’s a doubt about something, clarify it with the person. Don’t assume.
   
4. Be honest – Share your struggles. Most individuals are not aware of certain behaviors. You can’t fix what you don’t know need fixing, so give your friends an opportunity to correct those behaviors.
   
5. Set boundaries - People will do as much as you allow them to. If they break a boundary you’ve set, it may be time to reevaluate that friendship.
   

Now, just because you love your friends, doesn’t mean they are keepers. These friendships may be toxic and you need to decide if it is best to stay or leave. Sometimes loving means letting go.

Now, who can you go to for advice?

Your Heavenly Father should be your first source. Prayer, meditation and the Word on a daily basis will help you get centered and rooted in Truth. This is where you will get wisdom and discernment, but you must apply what He teaches you.

Reach out to your pastor or women’s leader. They are equipped to give you wise counsel – without spreading gossip.

Once you let go of unhealthy relationships, you can focus on building new Godly ones. But you have got to do the work. Be that great friend that you desire to have – and that friend will come.

That’s it for this episode of Your Life Reframed.

Now, be sure to leave a comment on today’s Podcast by scrolling down to the comments section at bottom of the post.

Please show the love by tweeting @EdithPont #YourLifeReframed and invite your friends to listen in. You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe to this Podcast. I would be absolutely grateful if you would rate my Podcast on iTunes. My desire is to make my podcast available to those that can benefit from this information.

Remember: Reframe your life trough God’s love!

Blessings!

Edith