Welcome to episode 174 of GameBriefs, your authority on games, news, tech and gadgets.  We are from WeWearNoPants dot com, and you can find us pretty much everywhere you want to be. Of course, you  can also interact with us in our chat room, or via our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/GameBriefs/

With me this evening on the Skype-line from our New York studios are  two guys who need introductions ….Bob Lohblaw and Steel Valor!

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Tonight, we have a nicaraguan maduro, aged 4 years and hand rolled on the inner thighs of honduran women, featuring:

• 
  
• The Frontlines
  
• In The Farting corner with Bob
  
• Noobie Toobie with Steel ?
  
• and more!  But first, we’re gonna talk about
  

Heart bleed

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2014-04-11/nsa-said-to-have-used-heartbleed-bug-exposing-consumers.html Did the NSA really know? We can speculate.

http://www.smh.com.au/it-pro/security-it/man-who-introduced-serious-heartbleed-security-flaw-denies-he-inserted-it-deliberately-20140410-zqta1.html – Was it really overlooked?

What it is, how to protect yourself from it

- Get Chromebleed to tip you off to sites who haven’t updated or patched correctly

Lastpass gets a plug from Option

In other news:

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Marty O’Donnell leaves Bungie, and not in the best of ways.- Play halo theme

(Twitter post, etc)

What does this mean, how does this affect Bungie, etc.

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New Borderlands Prequel coming to old gen consoles- thoughts on first shots?

- The only season pass I don’t regret buying

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Mechrunner launched.  What a great website that is there.

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Facebook forcing users to download messenger.

http://techcrunch.com/2014/04/09/facebook-messenger-or-the-highway/

Who remembers Facebook home?

Bob:

Comcast wins as worst company in America in Consumerist’s poll. They even beat out Monsanto. Now we can feel even more secure knowing that Comcast wants to merge with TWC and have a stranglehold on broadband. Data caps for everyone? If they win it is coming.

Steel: Is it not enough that Google gets blamed for being evil that even in the face of public outcry of the privacy invading Google Glass that they are looking at the possibility of making contact lenses with a simillar functionality? Have they not kept up with the news that people are pissed about the NSA & govt spying programs? Have they not seen the youtube videos of people having their google glass torn off thier face and smashed or stolen? Really Google? I’m sure you can just google … yourself, Google and find out why this is a bad idea. I never saw the draw of Glass and it is unsettling not knowing if you’re being recorded or not. I think we will just have to wait and see if this comes to light.

Option: You probably didn’t petition for it, but it’s back anyway!  The heart attack inducing, jaw widening KFC Double Down is coming back!  For those of you who missed it the first time, it’s two chicken “planks†that sandwich in a glob of cheese, and bacon.  Oh, sure- it’s healthy…ish….

http://www.usatoday.com/story/popcandy/2014/04/16/double-down-kfc/7770047/

NEW SEGMENT: TEA  BAGGIN

Premise:  We want to give you some bad music to respawn to.  These are our songs:

Steel’s first with:

Alternate Reality – The King That Never Was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nhq1uWY9wHg#t=74

Bob comes up with:

DJ Snake & Lil John- Turn down for what

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=HMUDVMiITOU#t=1

And we finish with Option’s choice:

Phil Mershon and Mary McCoy- Let’s get social

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itvvFfeLh84#t=227

SOCIAL.  The worst rap this side of Options failed 2004 album

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Noobie Toobie W/ Steel

In 1979 I was introduced to metal & I’ve been metal ever since. I’ve been to concerts, played in my own metal band, rubbed elbows with Vivian and Marco. I’ve even reviewed and pimped European metal bands for over a decade. So now that you know my credentials let me introduce you to…

(WHAT DO YOU WANT AS YOUR THEME HERE?)

IF METAL WAS A GAME…

If black metal was a game it would be… Dark Souls – The imagery that is in this game looks like it could come off a black metal band’s cd cover also … it takes pleasure in killing you over and over again.

If folk metal was a game it would be… Skyrim – VIKINGAR … WYKINGS & FYRE WYRMZ. I’ll be right back. I’m gonna run through the ice fields and then ride a dragon … NUFF SAID

If epic metal was a band it would be… Sacred 2 – it not only features blind guardian but also scantily clad kittens. OMG I LOVE KITTENS!! SO DOES DANZIG! So do a lot of metalheads… SHUT UP!

If mainstream metal was a game it would be… Rocksmith 2014. Why because metal is about real guitars & sneers while busting a split harmonic!

If goth metal was a game it would be… Bloodranye – because you can kill nazi’s with a hottie who looks like she was in the front row of a WASP concert

If doom metal was a game it would be… The Headsman – because the entire game is dedicated to a song by Deathlike Silence

If hair metal was a game it would be… Thunder Wolves –  the soundtrack has more hair spray than your local hairdresser

If battle metal was a game it would be.. Viking Battle for Asgard because nothing says battle metal like chopping your opponent into pieces.

If speed metal was a game it would be Forza because pushing lord gideon into the wall at 220mph is a face melting arpeggio of awesome.

and my number one metal game is… Jonny Extrem- err I mean. If power metal was a band it would be Brutal Legend – If I need to explain this to you o m g

Now, here’s a free tip. Do you love metal? Me too. Does your favorite game not have a metal soundtrack? So do what I do and turn the game soundtrack off and turn up the appropriate metal as a replacement. It changes the feel of the game entirely.

Now that you have the skinny on the most metal games ever let’s take a look at the opposite side of the spectrum.

Guitar Hero who is opening for Rock Band! Why are these games not metal? Because both GAMES FOR UBER POSERS! Oh you disagree with me? I’m sorry, but your plastic instruments wont get you an encore at the Roxy and your studded bracelet is from Spencers!

Xbox Fitness – where else can you pretend to beat the shit outta a pretend opponent. Back in my day we called that inebriated Dungeons & Dragons. Now it’s a sober workout regime which borderlines on an eye of the tiger interpretive dance!

Binary Domain – a game that rewards you for yelling FUCK! …. yet I yelled FUCK more times than Chris Kyle while he was in Fallujah and it still failed to recognize my FUCK yells! This game doesn’t give a FUCK and you yelling FUCK … and neither do I.

Blackwater the video game …. UUUUGH. A game that took pretending to killing insurgents to the extreme and ended up being a terrorist itself with it’s shit controls. This game wants to be metal but ends up being a nickelback tribute band.

and finally…

Call of Duty Ghosts. Why? because Ghosts embodies everything about not being metal. It’s like a how not to be metal manual. First thing is to sellout for money & do the least amount of work you can and still fuck it up. It’s like a punk band because it’s netcode thrashes me around like I’m in the middle of a pit. Oh they also hired M&M to do their promo & Snoop to do their custom voices?! W T F I W!!! Yes, Ghosts is a top 40 country song with a tiny bit of distortion to make it seem edgy. It’s pathetic and I just uninstalled it.

And another new segment:

SMOKIN OPTIONS

(Song by  “In My El Camino (from The Beaver Hunter)”)

A HOT BABE, A HOT SMOKE, AND A HOT GAME

A BABE

JOHN HAMM

Jon Hamm

AND

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS

Christina Hendricks

A SMOKE:

Gurkha Beauty

Gurkha Beauty

Woody notes, little bleed of smoke, not very thick smoke either- of course this can be because of the environment, but most likely the smoke not the air

Harsh at first- bitter

Sharpness that is not expected from a connecticut shade wrapper

Limited spice

A bit of chocolate and cinnamon, but not overwhelming in it

A GAME:

GOAT SIMULATOR