Sometimes when we have a basic understanding of what we are experiencing, it becomes a little more bearable. Learning and knowing about grief doesn’t make the loss go away or make the pain go away. It simply gives meaning to your current situation. You can then move from trying to explain your experience to discovering methods to attend to yourself. Really using your resources to help you because you can identify the root of the issue you are facing.
I really like William Worden’s Tasks of Grief. It’s simple to understand where as there are only 4 tasks and it really makes sense.   The Tasks of Grief were created with bereavement as the focus – really tasks of mourning. These tasks can be applied to life situations… to all sorts of losses in addition to bereavement. You’ll be able to see yourself in a specific task once you understand it…
Worden’s Tasks of Grief
(summarized from Worden’s 2008 book, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy and interpreted for the purpose of life application)

* Task 1 – Recognizing the loss has occurred.  Realize the loss has actually occurred.

* Task 2 – Experience the pain of the grief.  Most of my clients are looking for a quick fix to the emotional pain or what is the lesson plan to move on from the emotions. Once this task is better understood, and you begin to better understand your grief indicators, this task becomes more manageable. There is no getting around this task… This task is necessary to move through.

* Task 3 – Adjust to the environment in which the deceased or the loss is missing.  When we are talking about other life losses, I have easily framed this task as adjusting to your new life. This task is chock full of things to do… it’s a very active task of adjusting. Many clients reference this as feeling like a teenager, you have some knowledge, you are trying things on your own or differently, and your confidence is re-emerging. This is truly a trial and error time frame full of redefining roles, examining relationships, testing your limits, accepting help in a way that is comfortable for you and learning new things. Additionally, This is such an abstract and existential task. In this task, we adjust to a new relationship with what is lost as well… trying to stay connected to what is loss in a meaningful way. Is that spiritual connection for you? Is it a relationship based on memories? Is it a love only you know and you want to share with the world? Your heart has a special spot that will always hold what was lost. It’s important to define a new relationship with that loss as you continue to heal.

* Task 4 – Withdraw emotional energy from what was lost and invest in new relationships and interests. This may sound harsh and I must tell you, this happens very naturally. This by no means to forget your loved one or forget the life you once lived. Quite the contrary… you honor life and your lost as well as continue living and loving. It simply indicates that you are no longer overwhelmed with the emotional pain and busy-ness of adjusting that you have the energy and interest to pursue life. Some folks will create foundations or become active for a specific cause. I’ve seen clients grow and blossom beautiful tributes to their lost loved ones, run races or scale buildings in honor of causes, and create support networks to continue to help others. This is a beautiful task.

I hope you have been able to see yourself in some of the information I’ve already shared. I encourage you to search him and you will find YouTube videos and many clinicians and hospices talking about his work.
Make sense of Grief in Your Life – Process of Grief
All too often, folks are rushed through their grief by well meaning family, friends or neighbors. It’s important for you to have a framework for your experience to understand that this does not happen all within the 3...