Consequences. They seem to be one of those rare constants in life: everything has consequences. A result of an action or a choice we have made will lead to a consequence. Although there can be positive consequences for our choices, the word more often has a negative connotation to it.

In school, we usually give consequences to students who don’t follow the rules or meet the expectations set before them. Some of these consequences are quick and easy. For example, if a student doesn’t have a pencil for a class where one is needed, a consequence might be that he has to ask to borrow one from someone else, or pay the teacher with “collateral†in order to use one. Another example is homework. A student who doesn’t turn in her homework on time might have the consequence of staying in at recess or after school to finish it. Some teachers might even dock points on the assignment for it being turned in late.

But sometimes, the consequences we give students are harder to come by. For example, I recently worked with a student who stole something from the Book Fair, and when confronted, lied about doing it. When his mother came to school to discuss the situation, she was immediately upset and began to dole out consequences for her child, which included kicking him out of school for two weeks and taking him to the police station. This may sound excessive, but without a doubt this mom wanted what is best for her child. However, her reaction, though done out of love, was not leading to the consequences that would do the most teaching, in my opinion. She needed to hear that great kids sometimes just make not so great choices. She needed to hear that if we work together, we can find the consequence that might help change the behavior and get her child back on the right path. Hearing those things lead to a switch being flipped in her perspective. What was on the way to being more of a thrashing than a teachable moment quickly became a productive dialog between parent, child, and principal.

So what is the right thing to do in these situations? We all have handbooks that have lists of infractions and consequences that seem to match the misbehavior. But is that always the best way? It might be the easiest, but is it the BEST?

It is important to remember that the root of the word discipline is “disciple,† as in somebody who is guided by the the path and advice of a mentor.  When we discipline the children we serve, do our actions provide a path and guidance for the future, or just punishment for the present?  We want to help them make good choices and see the value in living a positive life. The best way to do that might not be to simply and swiftly dole out consequences. We should model it so the child learns a lesson from it and changes the behavior, all the while building a positive relationship with them.

After all, isn’t that what we really want?

You can follow Mission Monday on Twitter @Mission_Monday, or it’s co-founders  @mc_bossy and @samuelstecher

image provided by flikr – Natesh Ramasamy

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