There is a wide world full of very diverse people. Teaching your kids to value and be kind to those who are different from them might be one of the best gifts you ever give them. Amy Julia Becker has a wealth of wisdom from experience. You can find all shows on iTunes from my website. Comment on your experiences below.

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Teaching Kids to Accept Difference

by Amy Julia Becker

“Why does that man have such a big belly?†Marilee asks in the local coffee shop.

“Why is that girl in a wheelchair?†Penny wonders at the dentist’s office.

“Jordan in my class has black skin,†William says. “I think his family comes from Africa.â€

My kids notice when people are different—if it’s hard to understand their words or if they are taller or shorter or darker or lighter than the people in our family. In our family, however, wearing braces on your ankles is normal. So are glasses and ear tubes and speech therapy. Our oldest daughter Penny has trisomy 21, also known as Down syndrome.

We talk about the challenges—it is harder for Penny to perform fine motor tasks like playing piano scales or buttoning her clothes. My kids are also quick to explain that because she has low muscle tone, Penny is very flexible. “She can put her foot behind her head!†William has been known to boast about his big sister.

In light of the laughter, kindness, and insight Penny offers us all, it makes very little sense for us to see Penny as any more broken than anyone else. In light of the sibling bickering and her propensity to stretch the truth, it also makes very little sense for us to see her as particularly innocent or angelic.

So when my kids ask me about someone who looks or acts different from us, I try to use our experience of receiving Penny into our lives as a starting point. I talk about how skin color tells us something about Jordan but also about our own origins, or about how wheelchairs help people get around, just like our legs. I don’t undermine the differences, but I try to put them in neutral terms that lead us toward a point of connection.

If there is anything that I have learned through having a daughter with Down syndrome it is about our common humanity, our common brokenness and beauty, our common ability to give and receive. My kids won’t stop asking questions about differences, even if they stop stating those questions out loud. But I hope I can teach them that they don’t need to fear the differences they notice. I hope they can learn how to bridge the differences in light of the many ways they

are the same.