Confidence is one of the critical aspects of being a consultant. Many consultants cross the fine line of confidence and develop an arrogance that turns a client off and hurts their chances for advancement in their consulting career.  In this week’s podcast, we will discuss the difference between confidence and arrogance and how to avoid crossing the line.

How do you see the difference between arrogance and confidence?

 Arrogance is defined as an exaggerated sense of self worth.  But one person’s confidence is another person’s arrogance.
I remember early in my consulting career, I was watching someone speaking who knew a lot about their subject.
Perhaps there was some jealousy on my part, and I thought they were very arrogant.  I made a comment to one of my co-workers and they disagreed.  “He just knows what he’s talking about and speaks with confidence.â€
So there isn't a set definition.  We see this in the political world too.  You've got to be pretty confident to run for president. And I’ve seen in presidential campaigns where members of each party complain that their candidate’s opponent is arrogant. It’s really a perception thing.
So let’s take this to a client site.  You’re supposed to be an expert in your subject area and you’re supposed to be confident.
What happens when you present yourself to the client like the speaker I was just talking about?  The client could see it like I did and assume that I’m arrogant, or they could see it like my co-worker and say “that guy knows what he’s talking about and speaks with confidence.â€

So is it really just the fact that different people will have different perceptions?

Different people will see things differently.  So from that perspective, it really is.
But like many things, a lot of that perception is going to be determined based, not so much on what you say, but how you say it.
And one of the biggest ways your ‘how you say it’ approach will indicate arrogance is if you’re condescending or patronizing while you talk to the client.
One of the best examples of this was when Al Gore hosted Saturday Night Live in December of 2000, after losing the presidential election to George W. Bush.
He said in his monologue that maybe he came off a little patronizing.  And then he said “You see, patronizing is when you talk to someone like their stupid.†So he was able to laugh at himself for it.
But the point is that you want to be very careful about how others will perceive you.

What would you say are the warning signs that you may be perceived as arrogant?

Well you want to start observing people as soon as you meet them.  Your first impression is critical.
It’s kind of an assessment of your own credibility. As a consultant, I try to see how open they are to consulting.  If they have the feeling that their boss is cramming consultants down their throat, you may have someone who doesn't want some arrogant consultant telling him how to do his business.
But as I talk to a client, I’m constantly trying to get feedback from their verbal queues as to how they perceive me.
Some consultants try to use self-depreciating humor by jokingly putting themselves down.  I don’t think that will always work.  It sometimes makes the other person uncomfortable and could even be seen as a lack of confidence.
 The tough part is striking that balance where you are perceived as confident yet humble. And I think the happy medium between the two is credibility.
So if you get feedback, either through their comments or their facial expressions, you need to be careful.  Because once you start to lose credibility with a client, it’s very hard to win it back.
Part of what makes that so difficult is that the harder you try to convince them that you have credibility, the less credibility you have.
But it’s important to keep a close eye and ear on your audience.

How do you deal with it when you realize you've crossed