Take the granddaddy of all vampire books, adding a director in desperate need of a hit and the screenwriter for Hook. Combine with actors who all think they are filming different movies, copious amounts of alcohol, and hot air balloon adventures. Finally top with operatic costumes, an unneeded romantic subplot, and a gorgeous score. And boobs. Lots of boobs.

Congrats: you have made Bram Stoker’s Dracula!

(And yes, we have heard the news about the upcoming Dracula adaptation. And yes, we have Opinions.)

EPISODE DETAILS
Title: Jesus Christ, Van Helsing
Subject: Bram Stoker’s Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppola
Release Date: 30/06/2017
Length: 01:17:00
TRIGGER/OTHER WARNINGS
Vampire-typical violence
Discussions of rape, sexual violence & rape culture
Discussions of portrayal of mental illness and victimisation of people with mental illness
the goddamn Moffat adaptation