In 2005, Little, Brown published a vampire book that rocketed to the top of the bestseller charts and became a record breaker. Actually, there were two, one of which was The Historian, a doorstopper of a novel (240 000 words!) that had people devouring the adventures of three generations of academics, as they try to solve the mystery of where Dracula really is.

Sounds exciting, right? Well, as the Bloodsucking Feminists discover upon their reread of the book, some promises are never quite delivered. But hey, at least the episode’s much shorter than the book.