I this is Dr. John Dacey coming to you with my weekly podcast dissolution study anxiety epidemic today Today I’ll be speaking to you  about how to deal with the problems teenagers are facing with the coronavirus. Many of my listeners, I know, are the parents of teenagers, but even if you aren’t, you probably know a few. It’s quite possible that you could be as helpful, or even more so, to them than their parents.

For example, “Jill Emanuele, senior director of the Mood Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute in New York City, says  ‘[COVID 19] is having an impact — particularly on kids who are perhaps more vulnerable and already have existing mental health issues.” Because they are teenagers, they typically lack the coping skills of adults. They may really need your help! For one thing, they probably lack the capacity necessary to accurately and openly express their emotions. Nevertheless, their psychological health depends on their ability to discern and state those feelings. So step one is to ask questions, such as:

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   “Objectively, what is the level of your ability to handle this pandemic on a scale from 1 to 10?”

   
   
   
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   “Do you find yourself staying up late at night and sleeping all morning?” Such behavior runs contrary to healthy practices for most teens’, whose circadian rhythms will be disrupted by this new drill. Remind them of how different their schedule is from when they were attending school. Then try to work out some compromise on when they go to bed and when they get up.

   
   
   
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   “Generally speaking, would you say that this is a happy or unhappy time for you?” Remember, for some teens, reduced chances for social relations, pressure to get good grades, and the impossibility of competing at sports, negative occurrences for most kids, actually may be seen as positives. Even this outcome may ultimately be negative, howeve]\r, because they might feel ashamed of the relief they are experiencing from reduction of these pressures. And always remember, most teenagers are not known for their openness with adults, and especially not their parents! This is particularly true if they are tormented by such demons as suicidal thoughts.

   
   
   
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   “If you or another family member are essential workers, are you concerned about what that means for your health and/or theirs?”

   
   
   
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   “If your family’s financial situation has just deteriorated, are you more frightened by that than your family realizes?”

   
   
   
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   “Even if you are only dealing with having school canceled and sheltering in place, changes like those have a big impact on your social life, right? In what ways do these changes interfere with your psychological balance?”

   
   
   
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   “Do you sometimes worry that you are too dependent on your family?” After all, this is the time of life when most teenagers start to become more reliant on themselves and less so on their parents. Again, really huge events in teens’ lives are slipping away from them in real time: canceled sports seasons, plays, dances, school concerts, clubs, tests they’ve prepped for for months, graduations, internships, jobs — the list goes on.

   
   
   

The thrust of these questions is not necessarily to get correct answers. For one thing, they show that you are genuinely interested in your teens’ attitudes and worries. The main goal is simply to get them to talk about their thoughts and feelings. In of itself, this exercise will reduce some of the pressure they feel. Also by listening reflectively (see podcast #30), you can show that you care without overwhelming your teen with unsolicited advice.

As Dr. Emmanuelle stated recently, “Of course, your teen will have bad days (and nights) as the pandemic wears on. Note how long these problems are lasting, and maybe write them down so you can clearly remember. If it’s been a few weeks, or the behavior seems like it’s getting more intense, that’s a potential red flag. If you are concerned, reach out to your child’s pediatrician or to a mental health professional. Now that so many clinicians are offering their services online, in some ways they’re more accessible than before.

If you notice that your own teen is struggling a bit, experts say it’s OK to be honest with them about your own fears and frustrations. Tell them when you’re feeling anxious, and reassure them that it’s probably an appropriate reaction to a really stressful situation. If you’re having a bad day (or a bad string of days), talk about it. Just remember: Don’t fully unload all of your concerns on your teen. You will need to make a judgment about how much they can successfully take. “The way you’re handling it communicates to them the way they should handle it,” Emanuele says. “Get hold of your own feelings on it, your own anxiety, so you can help your kids.”
The World Health Organization has announced that it is developing guidelines on mental well-being, which they label “burnout.” Burnout is a syndrome resulting from “chronic stress that has not been successfully managed, characterized by feelings of exhaustion, reduced effectiveness, and negative or disconnected feelings toward one’s life.” In my experience, this pretty well describes the feelings that many adolescents have when they experience burnout. For example, when it comes to socially distancing, as required by the coronavirus, teenagers often believe they “can’t stand it anymore!” It has now been about two months since our country has been requiring this behavior, and most of us are getting very tired of it. Unfortunately, such behaviors are going to be required of us some time to come (none of us knows how long that will be). Just discussing the specific reaction, called burnout, can help to dispense the inevitable anxiety that goes with it.

Teens, it seems, are particularly vulnerable to emotional overload. When I was that age, we never had to socially isolate, but there were plenty of events that could lead to emotional burnout, such as the polio epidemic. When that happened to me it probably set me up for later PTSD. I’ll tell you that story now, which I call:

Drunken Auntie

I believe I was 14 when I first saw my mother naked. It was night, around 8:30, I was watching TV, cuddled up in the blanket because I had the flu, and she was taking a bath. My father and my other siblings had gone to watch the circus set up. Dad could not afford to take us all to the show itself, so this is what our family did instead.

Suddenly someone began pounding on our back door and growling, “Let me come in! You better open this door. Let me in!” Terrified, I raced upstairs and banged on the bathroom door. Now my mother could hear the gravelly voice, too, and ran nude from the tub past me to her bedroom. When she had thrown on some clothes, she barked, “Call the police and call Mr. Seppa!” Letter was our next-door neighbor, and he came running, soon pointing his hunting rifle at the interloper! Guess who -- my mother’s sister, my 24-year-old aunt Ann. No surprise – she was very drunk!

After we invited her and Mr. Seppa in, we  tried to explain to her that her foolish action had almost gotten her shot, but Ann couldn't get it. She just thought the whole thing was hysterically funny. Soon things began to calm down and my mother started making coffee, when another dilemma arose. We could hear the wail of a police siren coming toward our house. Who would be the one to open the door for the hyped-up police officer, his gun drawn?

What can you do that might help your child to deal better with the anxiety-causing incidents of life? Here are some questions you might ask when your teen and you have reflected on this vignette:

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   What do you think should be a checklist of reactions that anxious persons need, in order to manage crises like this?

   
   
   
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   Can you imagine an app that would tell you exactly what to do if you found yourself in a situation like this one?

   
   
   
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   How could adjusted reality techniques be useful in dealing with the repercussions of this terrifying experience?

   
   
   

In summary, let me just say that questions, almost any questions, are likely to help your teen-age child resolve some of these quandaries. Why not give it a try? See you next week.