I’m about 75 pages in this book called Mystical Christianity by John Sanford. It’s a psychological dive into the gospel of John.  At this point I’m honestly not sure I’m gonna get through the entire text, but it started off with a bang with the concept of individuation.  I feel like much of my adult life has been one reinvention of myself after another.  Really, I go throw these phases where I am Mr. Productivity guy, or the history guy.  For quite some time, I’ve been the Jesus guy…the evangelical.
The challenge I’ve felt in my self-reflection is that I don’t want to be that “flavor of the month” guy. Especially with things as important as my faith. For almost 1.5 years, I couldn’t get the day going without reading the Bible and saying my devotions. A few months ago, I did an inventory of my daily activities and decided to take a step back on most things.  Really, to focus more on my children and the “real” relationships in my life. What I’ve found is deep love, happiness, and a sense of calm I have never felt in my life. I have noticed, that I have let go of the “needing to read the bible” and doing my devotions everyday. As I’ve shared in the past, the “going through the motions” thing is what led me to disconnection when I as Catholic. With the hindsight of a few months, I realize that was becoming the case with the morning bible and devotion settings. Instead of Mass on Sunday and confession on Saturday (as was the Catholic routine), It was morning bible time.  Just like my days as a Catholic, I started to feel a sense of accomplishment and “box checking”. I’m not saying to NOT do those devotions, I am saying, however to know thyself.
So what is the individuation thing? According to Sanford, “…it [individuation] points out that the life in us is striving toward a goal that is usually unseen and unrecognized by consciousness but is known somewhere in the unconscious. The increasing recognition by consciousness that such a goal exists and the increasing cooperation of the ego with the fulfillment of this goal make up an important part of psychological development.  The fact that the achievement of such a psychological goal seems to be intrinsically important fortifies the faith that there is an overall purpose to life.
He later on goes on to state “ psychologically this corresponds to the need for the periodic dissolving of a personality formation and ego state that is too rigid and fixed so that nothing new can emerge.”
So what I see when I read this in the context of the past months for me is a question, but more a comforting rhetorical question. “If I am in a season, or as i stated earlier, a ‘phase’, does that mean I am in the right spot?  I will be reinvented as needed as long as I remember that I serve a purpose?
Right now I can’t get enough history and writings on liberty.  I am drawn to it and feel absolutely alive like I felt everyday reading through the bible (which I read the new testament about 10 times).
Now I stand at the beginning of 2017 looking toward a new year, with new hopes, and a new drive.
My word of the year last year was “ABIDE”…and Abide I did. The year shook me to the core, beat the snot out of me, and drove me into the arms of powerful self discovery, peaceful emotional calm, and a powerful love I didn’t know existed.
2017 my word is “serve”:
 
Keeping focus when I am:
Father
Son
Employee
Friend
Boyfriend
Podcast
 
Thanks and God Bless