Welcome to “Hit My Head On The Bed”, an episode unlike any other about unwelcome interactions with a solid bedframe, children’s birthdays, and walking the beat. PLUS a new theme song candidate faster than any others.

• I fell and hit my head on the wood bedframe
  

• It’s my sons birthday tomorrow
  
• On the weekend, he is going with a few friends to see the new Mission Impossible
  

• I bet they make whiskey sours with Jim Beam White Label at the bar
  

• Hit the corner on my current phone and then it starts transcribing what is said and it does a pretty good job
  
• I am figuring out the accessibility controls on my phone just as I am about to change to a new phone
  
• I am an environmentalist so i throw away my trash
  
• Technology has too many layers of microphones
  
• By the time I figure out how it works, I need a new phone
  

• we went to the bike store in the neighborhood and got my son a bike
  
• we live next to the ride around the lake
  
• the shop makes custom road bikes that are too nice for a ten year old
  

• Getting ready, I didn’t stay focused – the kids were fighting – and I didn’t stick the landing and fell getting ready
  
• I hit my head on the wooden bed frame
  
• I need to get help when I’m trying to get out of the house, but maybe it’s unrealistic to expect it
  

• My neighbor is a retired police officer
  
• He walks a lot and has a a loud voice
  
• According to the bike mechanic, we live in the “forgotten zone”
  
• He walks the beat all the time and he knows everything that’s happening
  

• My shoes are trashed
  
• I’m looking at billyfootwear.com which is made for people who wear AFO braces
  
• I need help figuring out the sizing because the AFO affects what size I am
  
• My current shoes are ugly and decrepit
  
• The soles are cracked and the uppers have a condition resembling alopecia
  

• My phone misheard my wheel chair as a wheelchariot and I thought that was pretty rich
  
• Good thing I’m not having to fight for my life in ancient Rome
  

• what time do they start serving whiskey sours at the movie theater bar
  

• NEW Theme Song Candidate “Sun Jam” maybe the fastest theme song candidate ever
  

Remember, the selfie is only available to those who subscribe

Good thing I’m not having to fight for my life in a wheelchair in ancient Rome. What’s up? Check. Oh, turn me up in my headphones. Up in my headphones. All right. What’s up? What’s the matter with me? Podcasting. The building. You are tuned into the, what’s the matter with me Podcast. The podcast, the dad podcast. My name is John. I’m 44 years old. Husband, father of two small business owners, brain a podcaster, and I have multiple sclerosis and trying gal neuralgia. I made this podcast to share what I’m going through. Hey, before I forget, hopping hot sauces is the best sauce in the world. Hopping. Hot sauce. It’s the best hot sauce. Hopping Hot sauce. It’s the best sauce in the world. The world, I’m telling you. Yeah. The jingle is the thing. Goal checking out. Hopping hot sauce is available on Amazon. Just go to hopping hot sauce.com and it’ll take you there. Hopping hot sauce, it’ll take you there. I hit my head on the bed and it’s swollen. The bed frame, the bed is soft, but the bed frame is wood. It was nasty. I survived. It’s my son’s birthday. Tomorrow on the weekend we’re going to go see Mission Impossible. I’m actually gonna stay here with my daughter and my wife is going to take my son and his friends to go see Michigan. Possible. I don’t have the car lift yet. My son is 10 Michigan Possible as PG 13. He’s going with his mom. That’ll put enough of a damper on things. I guess. I’m kind of bummed out. I wish I could go. I think there’s a bar in the movie theater. They’re going for the matinee. I don’t know how early the bar opens at the movie theater. I just like that idea that there’s a bar. I’d like to get a whiskey whiskey sour at the movie theater. I bet they make it with Jim Beam White label ’cause it’s cheap, but it’s kind of a superior, I guess I wouldn’t say it’s superior. It totally disappears into a whiskey sour. So if you’re looking for that, like just only notifies you that the drink is alcoholic with whiskey in it. That’s it. No other characteristic. White label Jim Beam. That’s where it’s at. Yeah, subscribe on my phone. I, I got a new phone so I’m about to switch to another phone. But finally, or maybe just I finally, I figured it out that if I just hit the corner on my phone, it’ll start transcribing what I say and it does a pretty good job. Better than when I’m trying to send a text message using some other transcr. The problem with the phone is there’s like multiple transcription methods and some of them work better than others and it’s not really clear, uh, who’s doing the transcribe. It’s confusing, right? Well now I can hit the corner on my phone wherever I am, the bottom right corner and it starts transcribing and then I can copy it. But that’s an extra step while I’m sending a text message. If I hit the microphone, it starts talking. It does kind of a poor job transcribing what I say. So it’s like, who is doing this? It’s, there’s too much technology. Anyhow, I got some new technology, it works pretty good. And now I’m about to change to a new phone. This weekend is coming my case. And uh, I use film covers. Some people use those glass covers, but in my experience they break right away. People say the film covers scratch right away. And I have had that happen one time that it got scratched on like a beer cap or my keys or something. And yeah, because I put the beer cap in my pocket ’cause I was gonna throw it away because I’m conscientious environmentalist kind of person. I’ll put my trash in the trash can. Is that how environmentalists do it? Well that’s how I do it. And I think I’m an environmentalist, so I throw away my crash. But in so doing, I scratched the film on the front of my phone. I’m not sure if, I think it comes in a three pack. So I’ll just put in and I won’t do it. My wife will do it. And she’s the kind of person that’s the exact right person to put on a plastic film on a cell phone. Because, because she’s rather meticulous and exacting here lies not me. Meticulous and exacting. She’s very nice. Also, they’ll put that in the bottom. But she’s very nice also, right? I hope so. They could, they could probably skip. You probably don’t have to put meticulous in exacting. She is just, he lies Nami. Very nice. . Very nice, very nice. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Subscribe. Yes, subscribe. I hate the corner. It starts transcribing what I say. Why does it do a better job than some other times when it hit the microphone and it’s supposed to transcribe what I say and it does a poor job. Why does it do a better job this time? I have no idea. There’s too many layers of microphones on my phone. Sometimes when I hit the microphone it says I’m not allowed to use it. But then I hit this other microphone and then it works fine. There’s too many microphone layers and I’m getting a new phone in two days. So finally I’ve got a transcription thing that does a good job and I’m going to leave this phone. That’s how it is. There’s too many layers. By the time you figure out how the phone works, it’s time to get a new phone. I got a Google Pixel phone on Prime Day just because I was like, I need it. My phone screen is all cracked and the film is all scratched. So it’s like I need a new film, I need new glass. Can’t do any of that without paying money. And then it’s Prime day. And I, my, my phone is one of those where it takes a long time to do it. Has to think a lot. So I got a new phone on Prime Day, just about to get it set up this weekend. And now I’ve got a transcription thing that works. That’s how it is. Once you figure out something, it’s time for a new phone. We went to the bike store in the neighborhood. It’s my son’s birthday. Like I said, we, we hit the bike shop. We live next to the ride around the lake, around Lake Chabot. So it’s a lot of cyclists come up through here like, and it’s Tour de France or everyone is so stoked on being a cyclist. We went to the bike store in the neighborhood. It’s Lake Chabot Road. It’s Tour de France. Tour de France. Time is over, Falls, it’s over. All those people have all their gear. They go up and around the lake right by here. So there’s a bike shop down on the corner. I never really been in there and I went in there and it’s like fancy custom road bike shop. And that makes sense ’cause it’s right there next to the lake. It’s called Robinson Wheel Works. And uh, right down the block and the guy makes custom bicycle. They, he’s a, he’s behind there, you know, doing mechanic stuff, but they make custom bikes and road bikes and they have, they have some mountain bikes. Anyhow, it’s like a fancy shop. It’s not the kinda shop where you buy a 10 year old a bike. And the guy was kind of like, you’re in the wrong shop. And so that made sense. But he, he gave us a heads up on where to go and what to look for. So we hit Castro Valley, hit Eden Cycles over there, which is now the Trek store in Castro Valley. That was pretty legit. Got some stuff taken care of. But the guy, Chris, the mechanic at Robinson Wheel works. He owns the shop, kind of like a sweet older dude with his apron and bicycle grease. I don’t know where I’m going with that. I hit my head on the bed last night, so I’m a little, I’m a little discombobulated. There’s some swelling. I hit my head. I, all that happened is I didn’t really step on my right foot there. My kids were fighting outside. I was trying to get stuff together to leave. I was trying to find where my hooded sweatshirt was. We were going to go to family night and I didn’t, I couldn’t find it. The kids were yelling. I didn’t pay attention to where my right foot was and I kind of lost my balance and fell in between my bed and my dresser. And instead of landing on the carpet, I hit my head, I clipped the bed, which we have this wooden bed frame and it’s kind of my nightmare that I’ll do this. And I did it. So I hit my head on the bed right where I had all this brain surgery. You know what I mean? It’s, it’s just, I didn’t wanna hit my head there. And so I did. It’s all swollen. I put ice on it. I probably should put more ice on it today. A big bummer. I, I had a little conversation with the kids this morning and trying to be like, look, when we’re trying to go somewhere and you’re fighting and mama is having to deal with you and I’m trying to get my stuff together to go in the wheelchair, you could be a helper. You could help me when, when we’re fighting and at that time that’s an inappropriate time. So I don’t know if that’s, I think that’s kind of an unreasonable or something I could never count on. You know, they’re just kids, they’re gonna fight. So I gotta try and slow, you know, I spoke with my wife, we were like, you need more help. Um, in those moments you can’t be, you know, going around getting your water and getting everything you need help. But the real reality is when the kids are freaking out, you know, we gotta deal with that. So it just was unfortunate ’cause I fell and hit my head. I had to ice it. I couldn’t go to family night at the camp, which the kids wanted me to go. I wanted to go, but I wasn’t able to. And that’s kind of, you know, maybe if I get some help, I could do it. It’s the kind of unfortunate thing because it seems like the kids are gonna stop fighting whenever they come around to that. I don’t think they’re gonna be like, I need to be a helper. You know, we’ll see. We’ll see how mature. It’s maturity, right? I hit my head on the bed and so everything’s kinda like scrambled eggs. I gotta ice it again. It’s on the back of the head and it’s like, I hit my head really hard. Like I can feel in my cheek, the tenseness in my cheek because I hit my head on the back of the, he uh, the head right near where they drilled a hole in my skull. It’s just like I, and they put like some titanium mesh there. I don’t wanna get hit on the head. I don’t wanna fall and clip my head on this very solid wooden bed frame. So it’s like scrambled eggs up there. We went to the bike store, it wasn’t the right place to get a 10 year old a bike. But the wrench, Chris, who owns it, went down like what size wheel, what size? We had a whole discussion. It was cool. And it was cool to meet the guy we talked about. My neighbor talked ’cause my neighbor is retired police and he constantly walks. He um, you know, because he’s walking the beat like he is walking all day the first thing in the morning he’s out. Then he, to get a coffee at the coffee shop, which is right next to the bike shop. And then, um, Eno’s coffee shop on MacArthur. And then, uh, he comes back, then he walks his wife to the BART station, which is like pretty, it’s a hike. It’s like past 14th street, past San Leandro Boulevard. Is that what it’s called? San Leandro Boulevard? Yeah, San Leandro Boulevard. So he walks all the way down ss u d gets you to the Bart. So he’s always walking and he’s out there. So I was like, my neighbor is is Carrie is my neighbor. You, if you see Carrie walking, he’s tall, he’s tall, he son plays a a u basketball and I’m like, I believe it. He’s tall and he has a loud voice, like a tall person has where it’s like, oh, Iowa tall, loud person’s voice. I’m very tall right now. So he was like, oh, I know your neighbor, I know where you live. You live in the forgotten zone. And I’m like, what do you mean? And what do you mean? I never heard that? And he is like, the forgotten zone is because you either live there, you’re delivering a package or you’re lost because where I live has kind of one way in it. I mean it has literally one way in and one way out. So you have to go this one way. Funny how that works one way in, one way out the forgotten zone. Carry the cop lives there, he’s walking the beat all the time because he is a cop. That’s what they do. And it’s awesome. He is like, did did you hear about this? Did you hear about that? He’s like gone. He knows about everything that’s happening. One time I saw him in the park actually two weeks ago at last family night. I cut out early for some reason, which they family night takes it’s two hours of skits with no, no amplification. So it’s kind of like, it’s family night, you know. So I cut out early, I was there for a good hour. It started, started to get dark and I was like, oh, it’s getting dark and chilly. So I went home by myself ’cause it’s so close. I could take my chair up there and I take it back and as I was going back I saw Carrie in the parking lot and he is like, what’s going on over there? He said, family night. And I’m like, dude, carry Carrie’s children are grown. You know, so he knows everything going around. And I was like, yes, it’s family night. Oh, all right. And it’s like, dude, you’re just walking the beat. You’re now entering a public park, walking the beat. Love it. He knows everything going around. If you show up, he’s like taking note of your license plate number. He’s like, I saw a few cars parked out there with the license plate and yeah, you gotta watch out. Carrie knows if you come and see me, Carrie knows you’re here ’cause he walks by your car. That’s why I try and get people go ahead and park blocking the driveway, but not in the blocking the sidewalk because Carrie’s walking the beat on the sidewalk. He’s going, oh, you know, you’re in his way. So, you know, people walk the sidewalk, they walk the beat. Now most people walk the street around here, there’s no traffic. But, you know, make it easy for Kerry to jot down your license plate and he must have a little book, right? He, when, when they retired did I know they give their gun, they give the badge, but did they make him give the little book or did they go and did they give the book and then go get one? ’cause Carrie’s walking the beat. Speaking of walking the beat, my shoes are falling apart. My shoes are just junk. So I’m gonna try and get these shoes. This company billy footwear billy footwear.com. My wife put me onto this. So this is footwear made for people that wear AFOs, which is the kind of brace that I wear in my shoe. You wear it in your shoe. So shoes have to, you have to get like super wide shoes. And then your’re my braces on my right ankle and lower leg. It’s like below the knee and it fits into the shoe. I have to get a super wide shoe to accommodate it. It’s on my right foot, on my left foot, basically. My shoe doesn’t fit. It’s like giant and I wear an insole to try and help. So this company, Billy Footwear, they have some kind of zip in, easy on, easy off shoe. And it, I, I gotta get new shoes so I’m kind of interested in it. We’ll see how it goes. But there’s like a special fitting system where you gotta measure it to all these measurements and it’s really, um, complicated. So I gotta figure it out. I think I’m gonna try and get some help to figure out what size I am in the Billy shoe language, but I’m going to try this Billy footwear out. All the shoes have like zippers on ’em, so you can literally like zip the shoe open. It’s kind of, they’re ugly shoes. The zippers are ugly. Um, but I’m gonna go for it ’cause my current shoes are also ugly and they’re decrepit. The right shoe has a crack in this sole. So I, I can’t walk over anything wet or it makes my sh sock wet. You know, it’s like they’re worn out the outside of them. They look quite terrible. You’re like, oh look at that man with his shoes. Have some kinda alopecia. I have like alopecia of the shoe footwear alopecia. It’s leather. I never seen anything like it. I think they used cheap leather or something and then they discontinued. I liked the kind of shoe I wore ’cause it looked like an orthopedic shoe, but they discontinued it. Maybe because it looks bad pretty soon after you put it on. Yeah, that’s a reason to not wear those shoes. Shoes. My phone, uh, you know, I was like transcribing it and I said wheelchair and it wrote wh chariot like, uh, the Roman chariot. And I like the idea of a wheelchair as a chariot. A wh chariot. That’s a, I thought that was an interesting idea. I was like, I don’t think I’d last long. It’s a gladiator in this wheelchair. Good thing I’m not having to fight for my life in a wheelchair in ancient Rome. Probably good thing I’m not having to fight for my life in ancient Rome. Regardless. Yeah, when I’m trying to get into my wheelchair yet I gotta focus. Uh, if I miss one footfall one, one heel, I gotta really be like get my right heel on the ground. If I don’t focus on that, I won’t be able to move forward. I’ll fall. If things are moving too fast, I gotta focus and I can hit my head on the bed and it swells up and it, my brains are like scrambled eggs. I gotta go put ice on it. It’s my son’s birthday tomorrow. I don’t know if you can get a whiskey sour. What hour, at what time did they start giving out whiskey sours at the movie bar? Somebody let me know. What does it take to get a job as a bartender at a movie bar? That sounds fun. Who hangs out in a movie bar? Are there regulars? Are there people that just come to the movie theater to go to the bar? I kinda wanna go, I should ask my wife on a date to the movie theater. But just to go to the bar. Like let’s go to the bar at the theater. What kind of, did they have any special theater mixology? Like did they have an Arnold Schwarzenegger Whiskey Sour or Cocktail? Like the Terminator? The Terminator is one. Scarface. I would order Terminator and Scarface. The Forrest Gump. What would they have? I’ll have a Forrest Gump. Thanks for listening to this. I’m going go put eyes on my head and um, try and figure out the features on my new phone. Stay cool. Thank you for listening. Thank you for tuning into the what’s the Matter with Me podcast. Thanks for tuning in. Past episodes are available on what’s the matter with me org And you can hit the subscribe button while you’re there and every time I come out with an episode, you’ll get an email and it will contain this week’s selfie. Hold on, I’m going to take the selfie right now. Yes, subscribe and get the selfie. Go to what’s the matter with me org. You’re gonna see today, I got, today I got this wonderful Rolling Stones t-shirt. Let me get another one. Get you the selfie. Subscribe at what’s the matter with me.org. Thank you for tuning in. What’s the matter With Me Podcast is probably the best podcast in the universe. Catch you next time, Probably. Thanks for listening through all the way to the end of the episode. You’re a true believer, so I got this for you. I’m going to give you this month’s tune. It’s called Sun Jam. It’s an old tune, but I remastered it and made it hit for the new days Sun Jam. Check it out on what’s the Matter with Me podcast? It could be the theme song.