1. Be there. Call, email, text every day just to check in. No need for long conversations or expressions of sympathy or advice. Just be there in some way every day for a while. You’ll know when to back off.

2. Make time to meet your friend for lunch every week...Keep the focus on your mutual interests, what’s happening in the world, family, or whatever comes up...keep it short and shallow. Encourage socializing; discourage serious dating for at least the first year, especially for men.

3. Avoid siding with your friend and bashing...At the same time, don’t let your friend take all the blame for the divorce either.

4. Encourage your friend to take time off from work to get settled in the new home and have time to think through a new plan for the future...a break to just rest and recover a bit or have a spa day. Healing takes quiet time.

5. If ...it has been emotionally traumatic, encourage your friend to get counseling, and regardless of the history, to get into a good recovery program at church.

6. Daily routines are a stress reducer, so encourage the establishment (or re-establishment) of a healthy daily routine: regular bedtimes, meals, exercise, and leisure time. Discourage excessive time at work; encourage balance and time alone.

7. Encourage your friend to forgive their “ex”, regardless of their failures, transgressions, or omissions. Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling.

8. Help your friend focus on the present and the future; discourage repetitive recounting of the past–change the subject. If they are having trouble with letting go, encourage them to journal every day until they are through.

9. It’s been said that every relationship is either a blessing or a lesson. In my experience, there are both in every relationship, but some are not evident except in hindsight. Encourage your friend to take time to find both and write them down. Lessons learned don’t have to be repeated.

10. Finally, and most importantly, encourage your friend to be grateful.