by, Jade Lee

Giving Till It Hurts You

Welcome to the season of Gift Giving.  This is the time to Give Until It Hurts.  This is the time of the year we embrace the Holidays in full force thinking of creative ways to buy gifts for each and every one of our loved ones. Our hearts are full as we reimagine years past full of holiday glitz, glistening twinkles on evergreen towers and the starry shimmer in others eyes. The fascination of it all is as warm to us as a cozy cup of warm apple cider by the comforting embers of a fireside or the warm blankets tucked in secret locations throughout our home.
This is what the holiday season is all about and is supposed to be, yet in our real world encounters we find ourselves quietly dismal over the super planning, exasperating chore list and stress of family quarrels.

Isn’t it strange how often we find it necessary to fight off reality in order to present a Hallmark Christmas storyline in our all too often imperfect lives? For me the holiday season has already been strangely filled with stressors, it seems like back to back mountains in front of me as I attempt to be more than human…

It started with an awkward string of real-life events, unexpectedly gripping my life and twirling me around and around until I was spiraling out of any form of calendar, event planning control.

First there is the fact that I am still a first lady, only lady, pastor or minister…you choose which title you prefer. And our church seemed to be on that same downward spiral from my much limited perspective. In a matter of less than a year every single one of the church leaders we had so delicately pastored into ministerial positions one by one moved on to the next assignment in their lives.

Then we received the news that the church building we were renting was going to be sold by its retiring owners, but we sat in life’s hold waiting to hear how the matter would unfold.

But it did not end there, suddenly we gain a call from the owner saying the building is Under Contract. We would have to find elsewhere to conduct our weekly meetings and Sunday services.

But it didn’t end there, all while this is occurring my superplanning brain began to consider the next few months of Holiday Bliss! Thanksgiving was coming, then Christmas, then New Year’s Planning (because everything has to be perfect)…and the New Year’s Eve party, traveling to various locations in different states all while keeping the church afloat from a distance with limited leadership in position.

It all seemed so impossible already not to include the instability of my current housing situation, whereas we lived in a parsonage in the building…yes, the same one we were about to sell.

But it didn’t end there, suddenly my absolutely independent 80+ grandmother collapsed to her last breath right before the Holidays.

And we could not return home because we desperately needed a new vehicle, somewhere to reside and a new church location so everything we worked for in the last 10 years would not slip between our desperately gripping fingers.

All the while I simply wanted to GIVE. GIVE to the people in front of me waiting for Thanksgiving Party Extravaganze. GIVE to my father painfully losing his mother. GIVE to my family through the joy of my presence. GIVE to my husband so he could continue to eat three home cooked meals a day. GIVE to every single member in my church so they would not leave as others hurt or feeling forsaken. GIVE to my GOD by devoted prayer and in depth study of His Word. GIVE to the world around me by making the Right Decisions step by step. GIVE to Facebook and Twitter and Instagram as an example of righteousness to the next generation.

GIVE, GIVE and GIVE some more.

I know I am not alone in the Fascination of Giving.

But my giving would soon prove to turn into Stressful, Pulling Your Hair Out, Wanting to Give Up on Everything Exasperation if I would not learn to Release ALL of these cares to the LORD.