Motivation - Why isn't it always there for the things you love?
TRANSCRIPT of the Podcast:
Hi everyone, I’m Tommy Balassa. My apologies for today's podcast being late.
I recorded Episode 0003 a month ago but refused to upload it, because I was worried listeners would think it was stupid because it wasn’t scripted and my vocabulary wasn’t clear, it just sounded bad.

I’m not doing things I enjoy during the week and by the time Friday gets here for my “CREATIVE DAY” I’m worn out and don’t feel creative and end up asking myself “What’s the point?”.

By the time Sunday rolls around I have family commitments to deal with, though I could fit it in if I needed too, but instead I detach from the shame I feel and wallow in failure.

Why am I recording this today? It’s Friday and I’ve made a tiny change and it’s unexpectedly working right now. I’ve recognized it’s working and why. That means I have to share it.

My hope is that this will continue and I’ll return to my creative life.

This Podcast was about finding a link to my old self that loves to write and create stories, a way to overcome my behavioral deficiencies as a writer.

A way to make contacts and even friends who are serious about writing, especially in the fantasy and Sci-fi genres.

However, Podcasts can take a long time to catch on, if ever. So it’s a fools errand for me to expect to gain any insights from others until I have regular listens. That may never happen.

Today's Podcast is about how I decided to do this episode today and how I am planning to make sure it keeps happening, along with how I”m going to make writing the focal point in my life.

Today's episode actually happened by accident. You see, I have a job working 4 days per week. I’m off Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. As I’ve already mentioned, I have some issues with motivation and self-confidence that I allow to rule me.

I love to garden. I love to raise vegetables. I’ve done so for years, never very successfully, it’s very hot in the summer here and makes it quite difficult and time-consuming.

For the past couple of years I’ve not really put any effort into gardening because I’d had several failures in recent years with long extended droughts and months of above one hundred degree weather.

So this year, as the gardening year rolled around I was also starting the idea of this podcast.

I’d put energy into learning about how podcasts are done and trying to figure out how I of all people could contribute anything to the ether of writing.

That’s when it hit me that I AM, the contribution, rather said that my behaviors are the subject of the podcast.

I came to realize some time ago that my behaviors weren’t all mine. I didn’t create them though I’m well on my way to perfecting them. However, it’s not the good behaviors that I’ve mastered.

A couple of months ago I recorded two podcasts, uploaded them and told everyone listening that in two weeks there be a new podcast.

It didn’t happen. For the reasons I’ve already gone through, it didn’t happen.

A few weeks ago after some failures on a Friday, when I recorded one but didn’t upload it, I did find my way clear to start a garden.

That garden is very important to my motivation for doing today’s podcast.

It’s connected to who I am as a whole. I’m not a whole person. I believe that is the problem I have that is stopping me from writing and leading me away from doing things I really want to do.

If you knew me, then you’d know I’m a very outgoing person around people I know, but pretty reserved among strangers. Well, at least until I don’t think they’re strange anymore.

I’ve been a singer in two bands.