Welcome to another episode of Tuff Love, with Rob Kandell. This is Episode 77 and the topic is introversion vs. extraversion, and the journey from point A to point B. Rob shares some of his own story, as well as research about the topic. Then Jo and her partner Elvis jump in to share some great insights around the differences for men and women around this topic.

Rob was a really shy kid, and still considers himself shy when it comes down to it, but here he is doing a live show. To all the people who think they don’t know how to be in the world or handle their own shyness: you can do anything with what you perceive as a limitation. You can move from shyness into being connected in the world. If Rob can do it, you can do it. No more excuses!

There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert, because they would be in a lunatic asylum! It’s a spectrum, a continuum, and you fall somewhere along the line in the middle. You can move from one to another. There are skills and things you can do to migrate into more extroverted if that’s what you desire.

Rob shares his thoughts in response to an article on the Huffington Post called 23 Signs That You’re Secretly An Introvert by Carolyn Gregoire. Find the article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431

You find small talk incredibly cumbersome. Rob agrees! Without a purpose there is too much pressure. He finds it hard to relate to people without creating something magical together.
You go to parties but not to meet people. Rob doesn’t go to meet people, more to be in the party environment. Introverts and extroverts go to parties for different reasons.
You often feel alone in a crowd. Rob believes a lot of people surely will identify with that feeling.
Networking makes you feel like a phony. Rob hates going to network events because he doesn’t feel authentically like himself there.
Down time doesn’t feel unproductive to you. Rob doesn’t resonate with this one identify with this one at all!
Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than talking with those afterward. Rob agrees, and shares a recent example of this.

How did Rob progress from a shy kid to doing a live talk at 47 years old? He was a shy, overweight kid and never felt comfortable in his own body. Even though he had friends an connected with people, that shyness and stuck feeling still persisted and impacted on his life. Here are some of the definitive things he did to migrate from purely introvert to more extrovert:

Playing football and other team sports. This helped because out of that he learned how to be connected to other human beings. It doesn’t have to be a sport, it could be any club or group that helps you migrate from isolated to connected.
Running for class president in the 11th To do this he had to give a speech and in the process he felt connected to the audience. Being vulnerable and real in front of the audience sparked something that built a foundation for connecting.
Getting out of a codependent relationship. In college, Rob was in a relationship with another introvert, and they began to get isolated because they were studying all the time and didn’t go out or socialize much. If you want to migrate from introvert to extrovert, just be careful if you start to date another introvert. It can build on each other, don’t fall prey to that and miss out on the joyous parts of life because of it.
Working in the restaurant business. This was life changing for Rob because it taught him many of the skills he still uses today. He thinks every kid in America should spend some time doing this work because you have to learn organization and customer service. Plus, you tend to treat people better after you have been a waiter.
Becoming the Saturday night bar tender at a hig...