"Does that beard come with automatic windows?" - "God damn it!... I apologize, dear Satan, for using your name in vain." - "Does anyone have any crackers or perhaps blackers for this insensipaté?" - "Tasteful! And not at all about diarrhea." -

"Maybe aliens, when they come down, their ballsacks will look like Balzacs" - "Check yourself before you recreate yourself" - "The spiders currently dwelling in your hair tell a different story" - "Hot buttwax talk" - "It’s the bee’s ass!" -

"It’s like a pub crawl but for adorable internet memes" - "I’m Super Anal. Don’t mind me. I work behind the scenes." - "Is this water that we’re floating on? It doesn’t seem like water. Also not chocolate. I have mixed feelings about this tour,

"That’s my metaphor for humanity. Just Mike Tyson wailing on his own nutsack as hard as he can." - "How do you think Genghis Khan got so far? Hilarious! What a cutup!" - "I’m actually one of the beta testers for the Starbucks vaporizer.

"So I see in the back of the shop what appears to be a human bag of douche shaking its head at me" - "Juanbody" - "If you don’t want spiders you just show ‘em your nuts" - "I’m gonna eat your face! Nature bitch." - "The Jews, really?

"You started the game and then you got defensive suddenly" - "Pastrami is one of the most delicious substances on the planet" - "There are at least possibly two or three different vats of liquid that you could dip meats into. Maybe more.

"Please tell Mr. Slippywitz that he left his shark at the party and so we ate it." - "Hey for all we know that shark was frolicsome" - "If you don’t mind your duck getting punched in the face... by grown men." - "But hey,

“Welcome to Earth - Where curling is an olympic sport and wrestling is not.” - “I hate this job. Just spooning olive oil out of divots in the floor.” - “The hot ticket at this club is that you can confess to a priest while shitting” -

“I always have a lot of extra hose in my trunk just in case.” - “That’s the public option. No, the public option is the one that’s shitty. In the sense that a vacuum cleaner sucks when it’s bad. You know.

"Miley Cyrus is like a weird frequency of human… that we don’t need.” - “There’s a couple smart crayons in the shed” - “You better checker self before you wrecker self! And then you see me wearing a bunch of plaid.” - “Thick, stocky,