"If you ever eat a banana that’s especially large, it’s a little bit emasculating."

"An irony of emasculation"

"I’m replacing ‘mediocre’ with ‘retarded’, that’s all. People don’t like being called mediocre? Fine. Now you’re retarded. You happy?"

"I get all my knives and my swords and my blades at Kruger. ‘Did you bring your Kruger rewards card?’"

"You can judge. You could even cast aspersions if you like, for all I care. I would recommend it as a matter of course."

"The 2016 Presidential Improv"

"You aren’t hear what I say! You can’t has know!"

"I mean, I do agree this is inhuman... to not give Will Smith an award. Have you seen the man act? He’s a sensation."

"We gotta go find someone the right color to weigh in on this non-racist discussion"

"What is that, like a coat? Is there a privilege check? Did I miss it?"