"From a dog whistle to a whale fart, and everything in between"

"Bowie, Lemmy, and Marley are all probably collaborating... in hell."

"I think that’s a big problem with people is that everybody else and everything else is either a character or a prop in either a Disney movie or a Saw movie."

"Maybe a Saw movie is too far. Brokeback Mountain."

"'Lady and The Tramp' is much different from 'Gentleman and The Tramp'"

"The Vikings had an advantage at a balmy -4"

"He’s the man-ball-stand"

"A canister of prostitutes"

"I gave all my shits this morning!"

"Just dip a digit, dawg"

"Why isn’t your butt moving around more? I don’t understand."

"It would’ve been hot. But it’d would’ve been rude."

"Where was Jason last night? He was drunk. Well where is he now? Follow the stream of puke."

"I feel like if people were more expressive in their moods I would be a lot more functional in society. I guess they are. Maybe they’re too expressive. Everyone shut up."

"This is why I withdraw from society. And I would like a monthly stipend from all of you for relieving you of my company."

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