"Yeah I just tore right out of mom. Almost killed us both. It was hilarious."

"I had my homophobic feeler out. And I don’t want that to be misconstrued. I don’t want my homophobic feeler to be misconstrued."

"The Playboy! At night he magically transforms into an adulterer, cheating on his wife and family with indiscriminate regard to race or transgressions!"

"Scientology but with spears of immortality, epic battles that rage into the ether."

"Numbers are the enemy. Feelings are our friends!"

"Super mad props totally fly legit reals dawg"

"If I’m drunk can I identify as sober?"

"You’ve alienated half of our... listener."

"Star Wars: The Trek"

"The Star Trek: The Wars"

"No more of this gender pronouning. I don’t want anyone coming in here with their shirts off, nipples blazing, like ‘Guess what I am!’ It’s like ‘I don’t care!’ You put a big paper bag over your entire torso and you just leave that at home."

"If it looks like a duck and sucks dick like a duck then it might be a gay guy."