"I’m telling you, check all anuses. Do a cavity search of the whole house."

"Your taxes are a butthole!"

"Did someone run over a pack of skunks? Then did a skunk truck drop a bin of skunks and then it got hit by another skunk truck which careened off the road into a skunk factory?"

"I make beautiful mistakes out of small bits of colorful paper"

"There’s no such thing as testosterone on the Hallmark channel"

"Hallmark: After Hours"

"I’m sure you’re encountering similar child rearing issues in the blackness of reality which you enjoy because light has been extinguished in the universe and all you have for perception is forward-facing earholes which understand nothing but binary input."

"These disorders are differentiations we have for kids from house plants"

"Bad smell is something that history doesn’t capture"

"They hate people and people hate them but they have to be there and a lot of that has to do with them smelling bad and people being dumb."