"Ho down at the hootenanny! She tripped on some poontang!"

"If there was a company that you could hire like ‘takemyholidayshitdown.com’ they would probably do pretty well. Literally, you go clear holiday shit off people’s dumbass houses because they’re so depressed because they didn’t get what they wanted and they had a panic attack."

"Imagine people who do all of things!"

"Pick a number between 1 and 360, and then do it again, and then put him in the launcher and enter those coordinates."

"Hopression"

"Price per ho. What’s the PPH here? This time of year?"

"Sir put your package away. You’re in the wrong ranch."

"I’m busy either overseeing toy production or delivering my penis in boxes to ladies."

"Santa wasn’t exactly a hero during the Holocaust"

"Assumpciations"

"My divining rod is more like a satanic rod. It just looks for THE WORST in things."

"What’s a ‘dency’ and I argue that I have less of them. Fewer than ten. Possibly five dencies. That would be my argument to that. ‘No! Ten dencies, you go too far! I have four or five dencies, at the most. Sir!’"

"You only hear from the extremes because the squeaky wheels... are retarded."

"I talk a lot of smack about religion but I’m not about throwing out the bathwater with the baby."

"Some of us smell bad. Some of us are ugly. And some of us are very dumb."

"They’re breathing through their mouth and talking through their nose"

"If a black tree and a white tree are left alone in a living room... does racism exist?"

"Nice to know that the trees have also diversified"