"Does that beard come with automatic windows?"

"God damn it!... I apologize, dear Satan, for using your name in vain."

"Does anyone have any crackers or perhaps blackers for this insensipaté?"

"Tasteful! And not at all about diarrhea."

"'Do as I say, not as I do. With my dick.' In the words of Jesus Christ."

"I done with has! You has!"

"Oh I have plenty of awkward interactions. As a matter of fact, a great deal more than 70% of them are probably awkward and stilted."

"I should really stop taking him places. But he is my support parrot. Not to be confused with a load-bearing sloth."

"Tits the season!"

"A wreathjob. It’s like a rimjob but with more holiday spirit."

"'Just the right number of poop jokes', that's gonna be the name of my first book... I can't write it yet because I haven't found the number. I'm convinced it's out there!"

"Probably someone walking and you could attack the fuck out of them cause they’re an idiot wearing a headphone and I’m almost tempted to because you’re an idiot wearing headphones."

"I don’t know if you fertile-realize"

Media

(http://thesibcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/dont-forget-to-hate-refugees-as-you-set-up-a-nativity-scene-celebrating-a-middle-eastern-couple-desperately-looking-for-shelter-meme-1448237005-300x249.jpg)