“In a binary cat system there will always be a larger gravitational pull in one of the cats”

“More into the whorin’!”

“Well I’m glad I’m not just looking at dumb fabric covering your torso. It’s a good thing that there’s a space-scape and two intergalactic ships fighting on this shirt. Gokku from Dragonball-Z on another shirt that you have that also buttons up.”

“Healthy. Glowing with the energy of life. Conduits of Satan.”

“He’s meant to look like us and to be like us so we don’t feel all weird.” ... “So we don’t walk up to a feral raccoon in the sky and we’re just like ‘Uhhhhhh I can’t relate to this brah.’”

“Yeah, I should be doing that. It’s my job. But then if I did that I wouldn’t get paid for not doing it.”

“Bernie Sanders: The big curmudgeonly sea tortoise”

“Did you know that by calling these people ‘brave’ you’re being insensitive to young, latino Jews?”

“I need a gender neutral onus. This onus is either gay or straight, and I need it to be both. Somehow.”

“Faggots of trolls stacked like kindling! High into the mountains!”

“We invented the time machine and it turns out it just has to be made out of bamboo. Bamboo and reeds. Lashed together.”

“I’m not an iPenis Classic!”

“We can’t keep adding penises to these pants! It’s too many flies! You want a hatch where??”

“I understand that this industry makes sense. But I don’t. So fuck you all.”

“We need to hose down the chest of America.”

“Assimilate. Just go on with your lives. Get jobs. Most of us don’t give a single shit what your sexual proclivities are. As long as you’re happy and healthy and productive.”

“I think he pieced that name together from popsicle sticks”

“That’s part of the function of the troll. It’s got a built in mechanism that when you try to disarm it, it just blows ink in your face. I hope that’s ink. My goodness.”

“Like limbo, if you’re Mexican, is it just like sort of festive? Earthy?”

“Gay-rage. That’s not some different way to pronounce garage. 'I parked the car in the gay-rage. It’s the yellow Miata.'”