“Excuse me! You’ve soiled my shit cloak further than I had already soiled myself. I take exception to that!”

“Within the last five years I’ve seen insane sentences come out of the internet.”

“I’m not gaining weight, I’m transitioning into a larger version of myself. Don’t judge me!”

“The only P I was thinking about was the P in pizza. But now I’m thinking about the P in pool.”

“I’m sure I could read ah article about it and it would be explained, but I’m not gonna do that. I have perfectly good pornography to read!”

“We’re excluding trans because they weren’t invented back then. No one had invented trans-anything. Everyone was just what they were. If you wanted to change your appearance you put on a hat.”

“Not free range. Like open desert parenting. ‘You kids just fucking figure it out.’”

“The internet has prolapsed! We need to insert some legislation into it.”

“Well I don’t like being told that I will like things so I’m already pre-hating it.”