“I’m not a hasbian or a yestergay, I’m a nowcoholic. I live for today!”

“If I was a broccoli floret I would be ready to serve because I am steamed! To perfection!”

“You have some elementary-aged kids. They would benefit highly from looking at a grown man’s colon for the better part of an hour.”

“Just watching a couple gay dudes tear apart a chicken with their bare hands. What’s wrong with that? Perfectly legal. Perfectly adult. That’s what I do with my Sundays. This is my church.”

“A tiger would be like at least cleaning itself up there. Or menacing you casually.”

“Badeah badeah badeah badeah I’m in jail folks!”
Media

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