“Everyone who you offended gets to stand in line and punch you in the balls. And if you don’t have balls by the end it, that’s your own fault. You should have thought of that.”

“I’m not asking you to get your shit together, I’m just asking you to stop blowing my shit apart.”

“The bottom of the ugly tree branches are beauty branches, it’s just very tricky to get a baby to bounce off that many branches going up. That’s why they outlawed that practice years ago.”

“Do what I do: Anytime you don’t get your way, just take off your pants. There’s a good chance it’ll lead to you getting your way. One way or the other. Or a different way. At least not what’s going on now. It’ll really shake things up.”

“Yeah it’s like herpes that walks toward you slowly”
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