"We turned wolves into pugs and bullshits"

"Dave Cataldi doesn’t f*** in public"

"Oh man I dropped the ball. It’s ok because it was made out of turds."

"This is the world we live in, people. It’s a world of acceptance, and flags are allowed in football now."

"Michael Jackson is to plastic surgery as Whitney Houston is to singing"

"Where there’s a will, there’s a death."

"I’m sorry, I just have to be honest: I think taxes are poopy."

"I’m not that invested in your content. I could read it somewhere else or I could give a fuck."