"I feel exquisitely blessed and fabulous"

"A blunt is a uh... is a three-pronged... joint. That has extra... lights and is rolled exclusively by asian dragons. Who are here illegally."

"I’m very busy. I’m too busy to understand what I’ve begun talking about so I’m moving on!"

"Everybody knows groundhogs to be legendary for their forecasting. They’re born meteorologists. We all know that."

"Let’s go ahead and get the bolt cutters out and pinch off this turd. That’s some solid material."

"Some people blinding themselves on the sun, some people drowning themselves on the rain, and some people filling themselves with dirt and sand!"

"Nah I thought about it for a second and then it started to hurt, and that’s when I knew that’s what I think."

"It’s like a weird, vomitous version of cold reading. It’s cold vomiting."