"My shit is a has-been for sure"

"To enforce an abstinent mindset seems to always require dishonesty"

"The most-landed morbid jokes per capita is in the doctor’s office after a diagnosis of cancer has been delivered."

"It’s just a teeter-totter with hilarity at one end and sadness and melancholy at the other."

"Follow the literail to the falsehood!"

"Check yo cloak"

"Separate but equal... again"

"It turns out, integration, it’s a lie. It can’t happen. We all hate each other too much. Go back to separate but equal."

"In a hundred, two hundred years, maybe a millenia, we’ll have a rainbow of people living separately. You’ll look at earth and it’ll be a beautiful, racist rainbow."

"As the bits and bytes and pixels and paxels... and Paxtons... Bill Paxtons make twister sequels. With pixels. Hi-def pixels. Squixels! Squeaksels! Squaggles!"

"I’d like to see all you assholes say ‘Schwarzenegger’ without being racist."

"Truth is funny, and funny is racist, and racist is true, and rock paper scissors. Truth, racist, funny. Ahah!"

"Dot wang, dot loser, dot get-a-life, dot kill-yourself"

"I can’t guarantee I won’t have shat myself. It depends."

"Sharing gas, grass, and ass - so that we all can get to where we need to go, and get our rocks off, and get high."