Genesis 2:24 says, "A man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife." Read or listen to this chapter from Your Marriage God’s Way to learn how to cherish your wife by leaving and cleaving.

Table of ContentsLeaving and Cleaving Means Keeping the Marriage in the MarriageSeeking Godly Counsel Is the Exception When Talking Bad About Your SpouseLet Not Man Separate What God Has Joined TogetherHow to Cherish Your Wife by Making Her SupremeA Wife's Perception Is Her RealityHobbies Are Okay for Husbands, But...Repent If You Make Your Wife Feel Like Second PlaceBe Ruthless with AddictionsAn Important Note for WivesThe Greatest "Leaving and Cleaving"

A newly married young woman had an argument with her husband. Because she had a good relationship with her father, in the midst of her hurt and anger, she went to see him. She knew her father would affirm how wonderful she was, and how wrong her husband had been.

When she arrived, the father opened the door, looked at his daughter, knew she was upset, invited her in immediately, and asked her what was wrong. After a few pleasantries, the daughter began divulging details about the argument she just had with her husband. The father gently rebuked her and suggested she return home. He explained, “Your husband is now the most important man in your life. You two will have problems, and you can’t come back to me when that happens. You must learn to work things out together. I love you and I’m all for the best for your marriage, which is why I’m giving you this counsel.”

Scripture agrees with the father’s response. Genesis 2:24 says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The term leaving and cleaving comes from this verse. We know it portrays God’s divine plan for marriage because it was instituted at creation and brought forward into the New Testament by Jesus and Paul (Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7; Ephesians 5:31).

Leaving and Cleaving Means Keeping the Marriage in the Marriage

When Paul commanded “a man [to] leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife” (Ephesians 5:31), he was, in effect, encouraging couples to keep the marriage between the husband and wife. Married individuals should cling to their spouses instead of anyone else, including their parents. When couples experience conflict, as all couples will, they should work things out together instead of running to others. The father in the story above understood an important truth about marriage: under most circumstances, problems should remain between the husband and wife.

In fact, in-laws can end up contributing to marriage problems, especially with newlyweds who aren’t used to being separated from their parents. But this scenario isn’t limited to parents. When couples experience conflict, frequently they are tempted to go to friends or coworkers to criticize their spouse and talk about how badly they have been treated. The reason they want to do this is that they expect those close to them to take their side in the dispute. Some wives turn to their girlfriends. Some husbands talk to their guy friends. While parents are the only ones mentioned in Ephesians 5:31, we can extend this principle to say that if we shouldn’t complain to our parents about our spouse, we shouldn’t complain to anyone else either.

The dangers here should be obvious. Pouring out our anger merely stokes it. This will make us feel justified in responding poorly to our spouse, feed our belief that we deserve better treatment than we are receiving, and discourage us from seeking forgiveness for our fault in the conflict. We’ll be filled with pride instead of humility, which will make an already-strained relationship worse.

An even worse scenario is when the offended party shares the grievances with someone of the opposite sex. The result will be:

A married woman thinking, I wish my husband listened to me the way he listens to me.