In a desperate bid to win the affections of today's youth, Teddy enlists the help of Stanford-educated tweenologist (and his almost-sister-in-law) Casey Khademi to count down the top eight tween stars ever to grace the butt of a KMart bathing suit. This episode features cool and relevant stars of the pre-9/11 era such as Hilary Duff, Aaron Carter, and Raven, and answers probing questions like: What psychological trauma has prevented N*SYNC from reuniting? Was Ashley the hot one and Mary-Kate the smart one, or was it the other way around? And when will a certain court-appointed conservator-slash-father finally #FREEBRITNEY?