Life Repurposed

Life Repurposed


Lonely Doesn’t Always Mean Alone

June 18, 2020

In this episode:

Being aware of when we feel the most lonely could help us learn to pay attention to how we can include someone else. It helps us notice how we can serve others. Awareness of our own struggle can also help us repurpose something negative into an opportunity to make a difference.

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Inspired Life
This week, I want to talk about loneliness. I think it takes many forms, but this one really hits me: one is not necessarily the loneliest number, like the 1960s song once said. Sometimes, we can be even more lonely in groups than we are alone.
I’ve said it before on this show that I’m an introvert. Let’s make it clear that I am not shy. And I don’t avoid people. I just recharge most when I’m alone doing something peaceful by myself.
However, I’ve come to realize that I often feel alone with a group of people. More so than when I’m alone, as in by myself. And this is why I think quarantine was not awful for me. The more often I was in groups of people where I felt lonely, the more stressful it was. And quarantine removed that for a while.
This is not just about introverts or about quarantine. I want to talk about what makes us lonely. My observations:

For some people, being alone IS lonely. Isolation from others.
For some people, being married is lonely, because there is conflict in the marriage and they don’t know where to turn.
Some feel lonely in groups of people. I’m going to come back to that shortly.
Lonely people might know a LOT of people.
Loneliness can come with change. Moving, changing jobs, quarantine.
Being the only one: status, skin color, a change (such as getting sober in a family that drinks), not speaking the language.
Social anxiety and wanting to be accepted.

I have discovered that I often feel lonely in groups of people, even people I love. There are a few reasons:

If I feel don’t “get” me, or don’t agree with me.
For many years, all of my friends were of the same mindset as I am and shared similar values and beliefs. If your beliefs or values begin to go in a different direction, that leaves you as the only one and unable to speak without fear of being condemned for your thoughts.

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Life, Repurposed
I’m seeing that any time I’m feeling something, it gives me an opportunity to practice empathy for someone else. By noticing when I feel lonely, it helps me to repurpose that feeling into something productive. Here are some examples:

Increased awareness of who isn’t talking when in a group and bringing them into the conversation.
A desire to make sure that others feel they won’t be attacked if they say something that doesn’t perfectly align with my point of view. Practicing being less argumentative and more saying,