Wilbur Ross threatened NOAA for contradicting Trump with the fact that Alabama was safe from a hurricane Dorian. NOAA has since opened an investigation into why the agency backed up the crap claims of "President Sharpie." Man-baby instructed a Fox reporter to "hit hard" at Shep Smith for the anchor's coverage of Sharpie-gate. Shitler reminded America some of the hurricane victims in the Bahamas are very bad people and anyone seeking refuge from the storm will be thoroughly vetted, cuz that's what Jeebus would do! Sarah and The Crabs learned Sarah and Todd Palin are splitting up. Nazi lug head Milo Yiannopoulos complained he's nearly broke. The Texas AG announced an anti-trust probe into Google by 50 Attorneys General. John Bercow, a.k.a., "order dude," will be the first Brit Speaker in 200 years to step down without an offer of peerage. The state of Michigan has a statewide no-kill-shelter rule. Former White House communication loon Anthony Scaramucci said Trudeau's boyish good looks intimidate Shitler. We discovered Jerry Falwell Jr.'s relationship with Liberty University is steeped in all sorts of wacky corruption, including a real estate scandal involving college land, a pool-boy and millions of dollars.