Trump canceled a Denmark trip because they won't sell Greenland. However, the real reason could be that Shitler doesn't want to be upstaged by Obama's visit later in the month to the Danish country. We learned from Cheeto he is, in fact, the "Chosen One" and the "Second Coming." Former mouthpiece to the fascist White House, Sean Spicer announced he's going to be on "Dancing With the Stars." A whistleblower from the IRS called out Shitler for shenanigans surrounding a presidential and vice-presidential audit. An air traveler at the Newark airport released a black snake before going through security. A kid suffered a minor bite from a shark. In animals-that-never-should-have-been-pets news, a South American kinkajou assaulted a dude, who previously shared a watermelon with the beast. Before being shot, a freaking huge crocodile chased a bunch of kids in Ohio out of the water. An island town in Canada by the name of Dildo doesn't appreciate a sex toy company taking roots and filming product promos in broad daylight. A racist deplorable went postal and busted out racial slurs over a form to be found at the USPS. An Italian town will be fining folks for taking sky-god's name in vain. RWNJ evangelical loon Pat Robertson is convinced a divorcee is under the spell of lesbianism.