Disagree better

Disagree better


Latest Episodes

Unburied empathy
March 06, 2024

What we do immediately after we express empathy helps or hinders the connection and alignment we’re trying to build. Find episode transcript and links here. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter here.

Use these 5 phrases to air your grievances and get heard
February 23, 2024

How to skip the drama and the rumination and raise a concern so theyll actually listen.Find Tammy's episode transcript and links here and the printable cheat sheet here.Subscribe to my monthly Subtack newsletter here.

Disagree better by asking great questions
February 06, 2024

Its tempting to tell people what they should do. It feels efficient, and it makes us feel helpful and wise. When we replace telling with asking, we can do something more powerful and, ultimately, more satisfying: Help people illuminate whats important a

25 ways to disagree better from 25 years of writing about conflict resolution
January 02, 2024

My newsletter, Disagree Better, turns 25 this month. Im marking the milestone with 25 ways to disagree better from a wide array of thinkers.Find episode transcript and links here. Subscribe to my monthly newsletter here.

Identify a problem’s primary drivers with a relationship diagram
December 05, 2023

One reason agreements and solutions fail is that they dont sufficiently identify and address the root causes of the problem. Another is that they address behavioral elements of the conflict without also addressing systemic elements that drive the behavio

Getting through the day with a bit of grace
October 31, 2023

Should our conflict partners have to earn or deserve our good graces for us to show them generosity of spirit when theyre acting badly? Heres a way to disagree better even when we think were handling the encounter well and theyre not.Episode transcr

Stop rehearsing your stuck story
October 03, 2023

Like a movie trailer, your Stuck Story is a montage of the most interesting moments in a conflict, with certain scenes magnified and others omitted. Its not the story of the conflict; its your story of the conflict. Its not helpful to keep repeating yo

How to deal with stonewalling in a relationship at work or home
September 05, 2023

Stonewalling makes conflict conversations more difficult and can damage vital relationships. So what can you do if you want to talk out a problem, but the other person is stonewalling? Start by understanding how the present circumstances may be driving th

Don't bury anger's lede (replay)
August 02, 2023

I'm on summer break and will be back with a new episode next month. In the meantime, enjoy this replay from the archives.Episode transcriptTo automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here.

The illusion of understanding
July 04, 2023

When someone is steadfastly committed to their position in an argument, the best we can do sometimes is create just a tiny bit of wiggle room in their thinking, enough to soften their position and give the conversation somewhere to go. Here’s one way to d