When write-ins go wrong!

Middling Fair's half-sister town, Grassssssside Greene, has been without a mayor since April. Has that been a problem? Not really. But now, in an election sure to go down in history, the good (but eternally unlucky) citizens of G.G. are about to put someone new in charge. Who will it be? The results are guaranteed to be shocking. (Run time: 10 minutes)Lending their voice this episode is Bonnie Kenderdine.

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Transcript

SCENE 1: INT. AUDITORIUM - EVENINGMUSIC: ELECTION NEWS THEME IN AND UNDERANNOUNCER:Election coverage continues. Grassssssside Greene Picks a New Mayor. Here, from the Garfield "Lucky" Dubois Memorial Auditorium in Grassssssside Greene - it's Buzz "Cracked Up" Thompson.MUSIC: THEME ENDSSOUND: PEOPLE MILLING ABOUT IN THE AUDITORIUMBUZZ:Can we get that fixed for the next break? This is, in fact, Buzz "Scoop" Crackerjack Thomas, ace investigative field reporter for the Middling Fair Courier Times Roman Bold Italic.Hello, Mr. And Ms. Election Night junkies. The polls are now closed in Grassssssside Greene. As well as everything else here in town. This place rolls up the sidewalk at dusk. Probably a good idea after their legendary zombie invasion. But back to the elections. As you know, by this point, this reporter would normally be able to project a winner. However, the words "Normal, "Winner" and "Grassssssside Greene" go together like peanut butter and Jell-o. Every citizen over the age of 18 was allowed to vote, and the ballot is 100% write-in, making it impossible to call the election early. Gah. Don't these people know I have a hard-out at 9 PM. Apparently reruns of "Cougar Town" score big with our core demographic. Who are you people?DANNY:I love "Cougar Town"! Do you really think Courtney Cox murdered Busy Philips?BUZZ:Great Shadows of Diane Sawyer! What are you doing here, Hillcrest!DANNY:Your editorial Editor-in-Chief, Mrs. Alabaster sent me over. She said you were tanking and needed my help.BUZZ:Oh. Did she?DANNY:Where's the tank? Are we bobbing for apple sauce?BUZZ:(addressing audience)Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back.(pause)Listen, Hillcrest. I don't care what Alabaster told you, elections are my beat. I've been unknowingly influencing the direction of last-minute voters for decades.SOUND: INTERCOM CLICKS ONDIRECTOR (OVER SPEAKER):Hey, guys.SOUND: INTERCOM CLICKS OFF

BUZZ:I don't need a Gen X L boomer coming in here and… SOUND: INTERCOM CLICKS ONFLOOR MANAGER:Uh, guys. Just so you know, we never went to a commercial. We don't have any sponsors for this show.BUZZ:Oh. Uh. "Aaaaaaand scene." As they say in the improv world.DANNYI love improv! I wonder who writes all that stuff?BUZZ:Back to our coverage. This reporter..MUSIC: ELECTION NEWS THEME IN AND UNDERANNOUNCER:Now, Election coverage continues. Grassssssside Greene Picks a New Mayor.BUZZ:(in background)I didn't realize they were going to run this again.ANNOUNCER:Here, from the Garfield "Lucky" Dubois Memorial Auditorium in Grassssssside Greene is Danny Hillcrest.(as an afterthought)Oh, and Buzz Corndog is here too.DANNY:Hi! Danny Hillcrest here!BUZZ:(under his breath)I have a Peabody Award.DANNY:It's crazily wild here in the gym tonight. Not "'Carrie' has gone insane" crazy, but it does have a kind of "Back to the Future 2" "Enchantment Under the Sea Dance" vibe.BUZZ:(through clenched teeth)Thank you for that color commentary, Danny.DANNY:Colors? Sure. The gym auditorium hall is bathed in 60 watt eq...