Though no one seems to know why, the songs in film soundtrack to Captain Marvel didn’t rate a physical release, which is a major disappointment, considering the number of Black female artists in it. So, giving you a special digital one here, since they can’t pull it off. #moviemusic #captainmarvel #MCU #Marvel #brielarson

Going to get all Sophia Petrillo from The Golden Girls on you for a hot second: Picture it, Los Angeles, November, 1976. Grandma says she’s getting me an album she saw on TV for my birthday. I am hoping it’s K-Tel’s Right On. Instead, I get Pinball Rock. Of course I’m not angry, just…a little more than disappointed.

Unlike Sophia, who actually attempted to tell Rose, Blanche and Dorothy that she slept with Pablo Picasso, this story is real.

Brie Larson as Captain Marvel, 2019. Courtesy of Marvel Studios.

For those of us who are music lovers, a word to all the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) fanboys/fangirls/fan non-binary persons: By and large, the vintage music selections in these films are passable at best and many times a series of missed opportunities. Seriously, who puts out an album absurdly titled “awesome mix” that puts Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell next to what is possibly the worst cover song in history, “Hooked On a Felling”, with re-written lyrics, by Blue Swede.

There are three words for this: Heretic! Blasphemer! Dilettante!

Just because you fell for something wrapped in a talking raccoon doesn’t make it awesome. There is nothing, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING awesome about this group or this track. Dave Jordan, the music supervisor for the entire MCU films, gets it right every once in a while, but more often than not misses the mark. To compare and contrast, one look no further than Kier Lehman, who is responsible for the songs in the television program Black Lightning, and has yet to disappoint once in over 45, yes, two score and five, episodes.

Cover of Very Necessary by Salt-N-Pepa, 1993. Clockwise from left: Spinderella (Deidra “Dee Dee” Roper), Salt (Cheryl Renee James) and  Pepa (Sandra Denton). Photo by Michael Halsband, courtesy of UMG.

And please, don’t get your Underoos in a bunch and spare me the “you’re DC and not Marvel” BS. Seriously, I could give a rat’s ass one way or another. I am not holding on to a memory of a Spider-Man lunchbox when I was in the 4th grade here while the school bully had a Superman one and carrying around that anger for 40 years. A film or TV program is about a whole package: a script, actors, directors, technical people, a soundtrack and much more.

Like the Jackson 5 said in 1973: G.I.T.: Get it together, or leave it alone.

Once in a while, the MCU gets it serious as a heart attack dead on. The Black Panther music release didn’t need a movie. We can thank the talents of the amazing Kendrick Lamar for compiling and producing a soundtrack that more than stands on its own and it deserves to be in your collection.

The Marvelettes in a 1963 promotional photo. Clockwise from top left: Gladys Horton,